


Your name on my Arm

by MosImagination



Series: Star Trek [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Spock, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Spock, High School, Hurt Spock, M/M, Orphanage, Self-Harm, Self-harming Spock, Teen Angst, Teen James T. Kirk, Teen Romance, Teen Spock, Teen bones, teen uhura
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7694320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MosImagination/pseuds/MosImagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of spocks parents, Spock is left to live in a orphanage on earth. Spock heavily blames himself for their death. On his sixteenth birthday two boys save him from the bullies who always seem to get him. James T. Kirk is one of the boys who save him, and Spock cannot help but fall in love with his hero.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spock suffers from depression, and causes himself self harm. 
> 
> I know this is not an accurate fanfiction or anything, but I couldn't help but write something like this. I swear I will try to write better star trek fanfics.
> 
> Not beta'd all mistakes are my own!

Living in a orphanage was one thing that made Spock feel the deep emotions of sadness. But living in an orphanage on earth was what made it worst. 

When the human/Vulcan hybrid was ten, his mother and father brought him to earth. They had hoped to escape ridicule from their choices. It was a worthless attempt though. Leading to the harsh death of both of his parents, and putting him into the orphanage he now lived. 

Spock could help but realized that his birth into life had lead to the mistakes that caused his parents deaths. He wasn't wanted on Vulcan, and he was sure not wanted on earth. 

No one had come to adopt him in the six years he was living there, he saw other kids leave and get a perfect home. But he was left alone, watching out the window as new parents showed their new children endless love and care. 

But Spock, he would always be left unwanted. 

It was spocks sixteenth birthday, he slid from his bed and walked slowly to the bathroom. He woke up early because he knew there would be no line. He entered and looked into the mirror. His dark brown eyes scanning over his form. He only wore a old white tank top, and a pair of even older black shorts. 

His tired eyes dragged over towards the thin scars that decorated his wrists and arms carefully. He couldn't explain why he had done them. But at the age of thirteen he had decided it was best to show emotions by creating the dark green slits. Knowing that he could not allow himself the grace of facial emotions. 

But he pressed forwards, he pushed his tooth brush into his mouth and swiped its bristles across his teeth. Once done he washed his face, then brushed his hair in the neat fashion he always wore it. Once he had finished he returned to his room and dressed.

He slid on loose black pants and an over sized dark blue sweater. He nuzzled into the warmth of the item before reaching down to grab his backpack. The young male then made his way to the kitchen. 

Spock hummed as he packed his lunch, an apple, and some carrot sticks. He refused to each much, knowing that the younger kids deserved more than he did. 

He heard footsteps and turned around to see the woman that ran the orphanage. She smiled, "good morning, and happy birthday Spock." Spock looked down and bit his lips, "good morning and thank you ma'm." 

The woman came up to Spock and smiled to him, "you are sixteen Spock, you have grown up so fast." She looked up to him, he was already slightly taller then her. She then pulled out a small ziplock that held a sugar cookie. "It's vegan, I swear. I made them for you last night. None of the other kids will steal any, so when you come home have as many as you want." She tucked the cookie into the paper lunch bag. 

Spock hummed and nods, "thank you..." The woman smiled, "be safe today Spock." Spock nods slowly, "I...I try to be." 

~~ 

Spock walked slowly to school, his steps calm and tender as he watched his feet. 

It would be a normal day for Spock. He would go to his classes, try to avoid the group of boys who deeply enjoyed punching him, and then he would go home. 

Spock entered the school and went to his locker. He pulled out his small books and placed them into his backpack, then he pushed his lunch into the locker. No body was exactly there this early, so Spock went and sat on a bench. He begun to read, smiling softly to himself as he read the small book. 

Within thirty minutes the halls filled with other high schoolers. So Spock put his book away and waited patiently for the bell to ring. 

One the bell ring Spock made his way to his first class, he sat in the back and watched the board as the tests skillfully taught about the history of earth. It was only about earth, there were no mentions of other planets. Which led deeper into spocks desire to know more about Vulcan. 

Three more classes and the lunch bell rang. 

Spock walked over towards his locker, he opened it and pulled out the paper lunch bag before shutting it. 

"Hey Vulcan..." A thick voice growled behind Spock. Spock sighed and bit his thick bottom lip roughly. He turned around to face the group of four males. 

"Do you have any fun remarks today for us? Or today do we just get to beat you till your teeth tremble?" The male smirked and licked his lips. 

Spock hung his head, "I will...take the ignorant beating." The led male sent two of the others to grab Spock. The group taking him towards the bathrooms. They entered the male bathroom, Spock being thrown to the ground. Spock wanted to tense, wanted to kick or scream. But he would take this. Take the hits, the kicks, the harsh curses. 

Spock took a deep breath and then felt the first kick, these four idiots knew exactly where the vulcans heart laid, and they kicked straight for it. 

They got at least four kicks in before Spock heard the door open. He didn't see who they were since his eyes were closed but he heard the yelling. 

"Hey! You guys best stop this now!!" The voice had a thick southern accent to it. It was lovely sounding to Spock. 

Then he heard the rough sounds of a fight. But then it all stopped. 

 

When his eyes opened Spock saw a thick built young male, and a tall slim one standing over him. 

The one with the golden hair reached down and helped to ease him up. "Hey man..you okay?" Spock opened his eyes and gazed into those of the blondes. He whimpered, he was handsome. The other groaned sharply and looked towards spocks face. "Damn...they really like messing with you huh pointy ears?" 

Spock looked toward the other male. He was thick built, and a nice height, with dark hair. They were both still taller than Spock. 

"Your name is Spock right?" The blonde said, Spock gave a nod. The blonde smiled, "I'm Jim. That grump is bones." 

Spock nods softly once more. Jim hummed, "you wanna come sit with us for lunch? Can't let them come beat ya up again." Spock watched them both, harsh eyebrows softening. Then he left them lead him. 

~~

Spock sat besides Jim, in front of them sat bones and a girl named uhura. Spock was nervous. He reached into his bag and pulled out the cookie, a deep green blush pushed across his face. 

Jim looked over to him, "oh you're lucky. You have a cookie, special occasion?" Spock bit his lip before speaking. "Um....it is the date of my birth." 

Jim grinned, "that's cool. How old are you?" 

Spock looked down towards Jim's shyly, his blush was darker. "I am sixteen years old." Jim grinned deeper, "me too spock. That's cool isn't it?" 

Bones groaned, "I will still always be the oldest. I'm seventeen." Uhura smiled softly, "I'm fifteen." 

Spock blushed and slowly pulled the cookie out, "I...I can offer to share it with each of you. But I must warn it is vegan." Jim smiled, "I don't mind." Each of the others agreed. 

So Spock carefully broke it into four, each eating their piece. Uhura hummed, "it's very good, did your mother make it for you?" 

Spocks heart raced heavily in fear, 'did his mother make it?' He looked down and pushed the rest of his piece into his mouth. He finished before talking. "Um...yes..I believe she did." 

~~ 

At the end of the day Spock begun his walk home. But was stopped when Jim ran up to him. "Spock...hey...can I have your number?" Jim smiled and looked up into the half vulcans dark eyes. 

Spock grew nervous. "I do not own a cell phone. My home has a older model though." Jim smiled, "here I'll give you mine. Call me, maybe?" Jim handed Spock the rip of paper with the sloppy writing. 

Spock hummed, "y-yes of course." Then he continued on after saying goodbye to Jim. 

Once home Spock went towards the woman's room, he knocked before entering. "Ma'm...may I use the phone?" The woman smiled softly, "of course Spock." 

So Spock left, taking the phone with him to his room. He laid on his old cracking bed and dialed in the number. 

Soon he heard an excited, "hello, this is Jim speaking." 

Spock smiled and curled up, "j-Jim...it's spock.." 

"Hey Spock, you made it home okay?" Jim seemed to really care. 

Spock hummed softly, "yes..I walked home, them came inside. Very much okay." 

Jim laughed softly, "vulcans are so unique to me." 

Spock smiled brighter, seeming to forget about the pain in his bruising ribs as he listened to Jim talk to him. Jim loved to ask questions about vulcans. 

And Spock would always answer. 

But after an hour Jim had to go. So Spock said goodbye. 

Spock rolled over and set the phone on his table, he saw the glint of metal on his table. It was his blade. His hand shook as he grabbed it. The half vulcan whimpered as he pulled up his sleeve. 

He sighed and then allowed himself to dig the blade within his thin skin. With skill he sliced into the skin, watching as the green blood prickled out from the slices. 

He then looked closely after finishing. His left wrists not read. 'Jim'

He had wrote it to let out his emotions. Because he already trusted Jim, and cared about him. But he shouldn't show it, he couldn't. 

Spock set the blade down and laid curled up, he kept his left arm exposed as he admired the blood that gently spilled. 

Spock then close his eyes.


	2. Now you see me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock goes over to Jim's house. They both have something to drink, then Spock lets Jim know about him for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Spock gets drunk off chocolate milk. I've read about him getting drunk on either milk, or chocolate. So I did both.

Spock had begun sitting with the new group each day at lunch. He was excited to know at least one of his new friends were in each of his classes. Jim was in three of the six, and that gave Spock such a surge of happiness and relief. 

Spock sat down once again at lunch, slowly pulling out his thermos of vegetable broth. 

Jim smiled to him, "your lunches are very unique Spock." The blonde said teasingly, but with no hint of being unkind.

"I would say yours are just as fascinating to my eyes James." Spock swiped back at him, the other laughing heavily. "Why do you call me James Spock?" Spock looked at him, "it is your name, so I use it." Kirk frowned, "but it's so formal, Spock, we're friends. You calling my James is like you calling bones Lenard."

Bones looked up curiously, "well, Lenard is my name, Jim you're the loser who nicknamed me bones. Spock has great manners, let him call you what he wants you heathen."

Jim huffed, "Spock, try calling me Jim? Just sometimes?" Spock tilted his head, "if it will please you." Spock begun spooning the warmed broth into his mouth, humming gently. 

~~

After lunch Jim and Spock walked calmly towards their next class. 

"Hey Spock , I wanted to invite you over tonight maybe. My mom, stepfather, and brother will be out. So what do you think?" Jim spoke calmly, leading Spock inside of the classroom and to their seats in the far back. 

"Well...Jim, are you quite sure I am wanted?" Spock asked, looking down to his notebook as he set it onto the desk. 

"Of course you are, Spock, come on we can have fun. I promise it." Jim looked over to Spock, noticing how the half Vulcan appeared to be shy and nervous. "Spock, please? For me?"

Spock looked to Jim, raising a brow, "so doing something for you, makes sure I'll go?" The corner of spocks mouth perked up, "I will come over, may I walk to your home with you?" 

Jim grinned, "hell yeah you can!" Jim laid a hand on spocks lower arm. Jim gave him a soft smile, "I promise it will be great." 

~~

After school Spock followed Jim to his house, he admired the small house, it was parked right in a far edge from the center of town. It had a large yard, one corner of the front yard had a chicken cope. Spock was a little startled by the short feather covered creatures. 

"Those are my chickens Spock, the white one is dumpling, and the golden one is nugget." Jim smiled. 

Spock frowned but pushed it away, "odd names." Jim gave a laugh, "I'll maybe explain more later, come on inside." Jim pulled Spock inside the house and proudly stood. "This is my home, feel free to set your bag down." Spock watched Jim curiously, "so where is your family James?" 

Jim looked away, "off planet, have been for a month." Jim shrugged and walked over to the kitchen, he pulled door a bottle with a slight clear brown liquid. "Want some whiskey Spock?" 

Spock tilted his head, "alcohol has no affect on Vulcans James." Jim crowned, "weird...what does?" 

Spock thought, "to drink chocolate milk gives the Vulcan species a similar type of intoxication such as your alcohol on your species." 

Jim grinned and when he returned to Spock he gave him a small glass of chocolate milk, Jim himself had begun drinking his whiskey. 

"James...are you sure of this?" Spock looked worried. Jim smiled, "yeah, come on Spock, drink with me." 

So Spock, took a long sip, feeling how the drink coated his mouth and stimulated his tastebuds. 

Spock quickly felt the buzz already appearing, he sighed and looked at Jim. Jim smiled and turned to the stairs. "Come upstairs with me?" He took a gentle sip from his whiskey and started up the stairs. 

Without thinking Spock openly followed Jim. He hummed slightly as he made it up the stairs and followed Jim into his bedroom. 

The room was small, having only a double sized bed, a small closet, and a chest of drawers. The room was painted in a deep blue, with light grey details. 

Jim sat on his bed and gave a soft pat against the right side of him.

So Spock, already gently stumbling, sat down besides Jim. Spock was tucked close to Jim, their arms touching, hands touching lightly. 

"Hi Spock...how ya feeling?" Jim cooed to Spock. 

Spock hid a small giggle, "hello Jim, I feel, rather wondrous." Spock slurred to Jim and watched the smaller male. 

Jim giggled and pushed his hand on top of spocks hands. Spock whimpered and shuddered. 

"Ooohhh yeah...vulcans are touch telepaths right..?" Jim licked his lips, "but this is okay right?" 

Spock trembled gently, looking nervously down into Jim's eyes. 

Spock cleared his throat, "this is fine Jim..." He slurred out softly. 

Jim smiled and started leaning in closer to Spock, Jim's hand gripping tightly to spocks own hand. 

Jim pressed his face into the crook of spocks neck, giving a soft kiss to the skin. 

Spock jerked nervously, pushing Jim back shyly. "J-Jim wait...there are something's you need to know..." 

Jim frowned with worry, he watched Spock carefully. "What is it?" 

Spock finished drinking the chocolate milk and set the glass down. He sighed. 

"I am an orphan...I live in the orphanage in the town...and I have since I was twelve.." Spock whispered. 

Jim's eyes were wide and full of pain, "oh god Spock...I'm sorry..." Jim went to hug Spock and Spock stopped him. He sighed, "it's not all.." 

He then slowly pulled up his long sleeve that covered his left am. The large green scars were exposed. And the large green scar that read 'Jim' was on display. 

Jim's eyes widened, "s-Spock..?" 

Spock looked down, "I do it..because Jim, I cannot control my emotions like we vulcans should." Jim then hugged Spock, he hid his face in his chest. "Spock....you don't need to...I want to see your emotions...see you.." 

Spock shook his head sadly, "I...I am a failure." 

Jim frowned to him, "Spock. You are not...Spock, may I Kiss you?" 

Spock blushed a dark green, he shifted lightly, "y-yes we can Jim....can we kiss in Vulcan terms..?" He asked and held out his index and middle fingers. 

Jim giggled shyly and pushed their fingers together. Jim saw how Spock shivered lightly. Jim blushed and smiled softly up to Spock. He was still snuggled tight into spocks chest. 

"Spock..." Jim whispered. 

Spock looked down into Jim's eyes curiously. 

Jim smiled softly, "maybe you would like to be my boyfriend?" 

Spock looked deeper into Jim's eyes, his heart racing in his side. And his face darkening a sweet green. 

Spock took a deep breath.

"Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
